Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I dream a dream... more like a nightmare

Monday night was actually surprisingly relaxing and stressfree for me. We had sushi for dinner, just the right amount of food, no over-stuffing and delicious grilled fish of course. Unfortunately, as much as I blogged about food , this is not the topic for this post.

For a nice night like last night, I went to bed early, thinking, well, I did do some thinking and I was very frustrated by it. I even had some evil thoughts in my mind to relieve some of my anger and frustration. And falling asleep with those thoughts, I had a nightmare. A very very vividly scary nightmare...

It all started out with me walking and hopping on one of those "open-zoo" buses. No windows, no gates, those shuttles that take people in and out of amusement parks etc. So I was on a bus like those, then I saw one of my ex-boyfriend. He was waiting for his now-girlfriend to board the bus. They looked really happy, and in my dream, I was very happy for them too. I finally didn't have to feel guilty leaving him, I thought. As everyone was riding the bus, I suddenly had this urge of feeling to leave the bus. So I forced my way through the people sitting around me. I saw my ex-boyfriend looking up to me, wondering why I was moving all of a sudden. Without saying a word, I jumped off the bus.
Then the chasing began...
All of a sudden, I was being chased by this old friend of mine. This friend, I didn't really value him that much, because he was kind of selfish in our friendship. I wasn't all that surprised to see he was the one chasing me to kill me in my dream. I didn't think much of him after all. So, the chasing goes round and round, and I seemed to be finding a magic spell or something to break this curse of him chasing me and killing me. Somehow, I sneaked into a department store, and hid in the stores. I took the elevator down to the main floor, hoping to escape to the main street or something. Then I saw him, the killer. But he wasn't chasing me. He was just wondering around in the store, and found himself a place to sit near the corner store cafe. He was working on his computer. I thought this would be the perfect time for me to sneak out. So I crawled on the floor... slowly to the entrance, just to realize that all the entrances/exits were made of glass windows. So, for the killer sitting in the cafe nearby, he would totally see me coming out of the exit. I was paranoid. I couldn't escape.
Then I saw a friend in my dream. Not a real friend in my life, just some stranger in my dream that should be my friend. I asked her to help me escape. She said she couldn't. Because she didn't know how to break the curse, and the killer would come back no matter what. In that split second, that killer (yea, my old friend) spotted me crawling on the floor (I was crawling the whole time) and went after me. There was an eye-contact for him to realize I was there. That eye contact was very scary.... Then I started to run. But I knew I had nowhere to run to. He'd catch me... I was so scared. I was crying and screaming. Then my friend became possessed. Her eyes went blank and she started talking like she was possessed by some demons. She was trying to tell me about my spell. She tilted her head backward (that's a very scary motion...) and looked at the picture on the wall, and said "This is how to break your curse...." It was a picture of a madi gras clown with a very messed up face. It appeared to be the clown making a happy face, but it's hung upside down. I saw it, and I realized immediately. "Oh, I need to fake a smile and look at myself upside down. So it'd be a sad face!!" Upon realizing that, I started to run, but the killer caught me... And I knew I was just running up the stairs to the nearest mirror, but it's so far, and I felt I couldn't escape....

Then I woke up. Panting, sweating and exhausted... What a dream. It was just too scary, and I couldn't fall back asleep till an hour later.

I think this is quite an obvious dream. Especially after reading the dream definition of "clowns" and "buses" etc etc. I am clearly very deeply frustrated by my current situation. Whole bunch of betrayals, faking and deception. I am extremely annoyed and just want to separate myself from all this. Yet, it's chasing me and I have nowhere to run. The only way for me to make it out of this mess is to be more deceptive, fake a smile, fake a face, fake everything and everyone.

Dreams could be so powerful.


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