Busy week and busy month

Starting tomorrow, it'll be my non-stop traveling month.

Ann Arbor

Houston

Salt Lake City

Orlando

All within the next 3 weeks.

It's really tiring, honestly. Nothing to really be jealous about. It's traveling, but it's also work.

It's good that I'm going to be away. This would probably help me take my mind of things. I'm still struggling. Struggling to forget the history, to forget the betrayal and to forgive. I will forgive, but I won't forget. People don't change, you just need to make a conscious decision to move on.

I'm very excited to go back to Ann Arbor. It's primary for work, but the feeling of being in my old college town just thrills me. I miss it a lot. More than I expected. I never thought I'd want to go back at all. But here I am, so excited to go to AA again. At least I still have couple friends in school, and meeting up with them will probably bring back more memories... good or bad.

Ahhhh~~ Long day ahead of me tomorrow. I know it'll all be okay at the end.

I dream a dream... more like a nightmare

Monday night was actually surprisingly relaxing and stressfree for me. We had sushi for dinner, just the right amount of food, no over-stuffing and delicious grilled fish of course. Unfortunately, as much as I blogged about food , this is not the topic for this post.

For a nice night like last night, I went to bed early, thinking, well, I did do some thinking and I was very frustrated by it. I even had some evil thoughts in my mind to relieve some of my anger and frustration. And falling asleep with those thoughts, I had a nightmare. A very very vividly scary nightmare...

It all started out with me walking and hopping on one of those "open-zoo" buses. No windows, no gates, those shuttles that take people in and out of amusement parks etc. So I was on a bus like those, then I saw one of my ex-boyfriend. He was waiting for his now-girlfriend to board the bus. They looked really happy, and in my dream, I was very happy for them too. I finally didn't have to feel guilty leaving him, I thought. As everyone was riding the bus, I suddenly had this urge of feeling to leave the bus. So I forced my way through the people sitting around me. I saw my ex-boyfriend looking up to me, wondering why I was moving all of a sudden. Without saying a word, I jumped off the bus.
Then the chasing began...
All of a sudden, I was being chased by this old friend of mine. This friend, I didn't really value him that much, because he was kind of selfish in our friendship. I wasn't all that surprised to see he was the one chasing me to kill me in my dream. I didn't think much of him after all. So, the chasing goes round and round, and I seemed to be finding a magic spell or something to break this curse of him chasing me and killing me. Somehow, I sneaked into a department store, and hid in the stores. I took the elevator down to the main floor, hoping to escape to the main street or something. Then I saw him, the killer. But he wasn't chasing me. He was just wondering around in the store, and found himself a place to sit near the corner store cafe. He was working on his computer. I thought this would be the perfect time for me to sneak out. So I crawled on the floor... slowly to the entrance, just to realize that all the entrances/exits were made of glass windows. So, for the killer sitting in the cafe nearby, he would totally see me coming out of the exit. I was paranoid. I couldn't escape.
Then I saw a friend in my dream. Not a real friend in my life, just some stranger in my dream that should be my friend. I asked her to help me escape. She said she couldn't. Because she didn't know how to break the curse, and the killer would come back no matter what. In that split second, that killer (yea, my old friend) spotted me crawling on the floor (I was crawling the whole time) and went after me. There was an eye-contact for him to realize I was there. That eye contact was very scary.... Then I started to run. But I knew I had nowhere to run to. He'd catch me... I was so scared. I was crying and screaming. Then my friend became possessed. Her eyes went blank and she started talking like she was possessed by some demons. She was trying to tell me about my spell. She tilted her head backward (that's a very scary motion...) and looked at the picture on the wall, and said "This is how to break your curse...." It was a picture of a madi gras clown with a very messed up face. It appeared to be the clown making a happy face, but it's hung upside down. I saw it, and I realized immediately. "Oh, I need to fake a smile and look at myself upside down. So it'd be a sad face!!" Upon realizing that, I started to run, but the killer caught me... And I knew I was just running up the stairs to the nearest mirror, but it's so far, and I felt I couldn't escape....

Then I woke up. Panting, sweating and exhausted... What a dream. It was just too scary, and I couldn't fall back asleep till an hour later.

I think this is quite an obvious dream. Especially after reading the dream definition of "clowns" and "buses" etc etc. I am clearly very deeply frustrated by my current situation. Whole bunch of betrayals, faking and deception. I am extremely annoyed and just want to separate myself from all this. Yet, it's chasing me and I have nowhere to run. The only way for me to make it out of this mess is to be more deceptive, fake a smile, fake a face, fake everything and everyone.

Dreams could be so powerful.

Finally, a relaxing weekend and YUM!

Finally, finally sometime for myself.

I don't know what have occupied me so much. I think I may know what they are, but I can't really form a shape in my mind. The burden is heavy, but what is life about if it is weightless?

Currently reading the "Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera. Great book. I love reading all philosophic books, helps me think, explore new boundaries and question my soul. Yea, I'm talking about mind and soul here. Pretty deep huh?

Anyway, one of things I love to do to relax myself is going to the cafes. Smooth music, background noise of people chatting and coffee machine brewing, some warm sunlight and of course, a cup of sensational beverage. It could be a cup of coffee, hot or cold, or a latte. And this time, I am feeling a cup of Chai Latte. Well, and a chocolate cupcake.

Chai Latte, Chocolate cupcake and my book. Life seems to be in the right spot again. I'm finally talking to my mind and soul, and things seems to be back into their right places again.

So many questions going through my mind, most of them unanswered. How could I make a difference? What should my approach be? How can I make people see who I really am? Who really think they know me?

I'm so done with hycrocritics and fake faces. It's time to stand up for what I know, stand up for who I am, because my soul is above all. Now, it's time for one of my favorite song: "All the Above", and I can now see through it all.

Quite emotional huh? And maybe couple days later, I would be confused again. Then maybe I would go back to the same place, order the same chai latte and cupcake, and reassure myself that everything would be okay.

Cupcake and chai latte at YUM! I never really thought about stopping by this place till Bakerella posted it on her blog. It wasn't the most impressive kitchen and dessert, but much more than I expected for some inspirational afternoons. Nonetheless, the chai latter and cupcake were pretty good. Yummmm~

有時候。。。

還沒好好的感受
雪花綻放的氣候
我們一起顫抖
會更明白什麼是溫柔
還沒跟你牽著手
走過荒蕪的沙丘
可能從此以後學會珍惜
天長和地久
有時候有時候
我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開都有時候
沒有什麼會永垂不朽
可是我有時候
寧願選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透
也許你會陪我看細水長流

還沒為你把紅豆
熬成纏綿的傷口
然後一起分享
會更明白相思的哀愁
還沒好好的感受
醒著親吻的溫柔
可能在我左右
你才追求孤獨的自由
有時候有時候
我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開都有時候
沒有什麼會永垂不朽
可是我有時候
寧願選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透
也許你會陪我看細水長流

有時候有時候
我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開都有時候
沒有什麼會永垂不朽
可是我有時候
寧願選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透
也許你會陪我看細水長流

甜言密語 vs 冷嘲熱諷

甜言密語 有時並不是好事
冷嘲熱諷 有時也並不是壞事


還是我需要換個態度？

有時愛上一個人 以為願意為了這份愛 即使是一份殘缺不全的愛去．．．守候
結果只是會更受傷罷了

孤單的感覺並沒有真正驅離
期待愛情而愛上錯誤對象時 一不小心就失去了生活中原本握有的自主權
各種負面的情緒接踵而來
失去安全感 失去自我 失去信心

就會發現原來陪在身邊的人不是想要的
發現到並不像想像中那般在意的在意著

在一段不平衡的愛情中 許多發現都是很殘忍的
殘忍的發現的確會讓人受傷 但是傷了以後 如果懂得走開 至少不再繼續受傷

最怕的是．．．明知會受傷 卻發現已離不開．．．
而且不肯離開．．．還自我安慰下去
被傷了一次兩次．．．仍然得不到愛惜
那麼就算弄得遍體鱗傷 亦沒人會看見

得不到甜言蜜語
只得到冷嘲熱諷

是錯愛，是痛愛，但還是最愛。。。

等。。。

他不一定是好人。只是這個人你非愛不可。。。

就算他醜陋，黑心，自私，小器，花心， 你也知道你等到了。。。

下一步，是等他愛你。。。

等他回來。。。

等。。。

Unfinished posts...

I have always wanted to blog about my trip in Paris. 

Paris, the ultimate destination of romance. I have dreamed to be in Paris all my life. I thought that one day I would make Paris my honeymoon trip and I would be there with the one I love. I did make it to Paris, much earlier than I expected. It wasn't my honeymoon trip, but it sure felt like one. 

But now, Paris is all too much for me to bear. I don't think I could ever go back to Paris again. Too many memories, too many regrets. Happy or sad. Good or bad. Right or wrong. I can't think clear anymore. 

I have had such amazing meals during my time in Paris. Romantic Christmas meals; Exciting New Year dinner; Lovely home-cooking; Familiar taste and amazing food...

I'll blog them all. Tag it all under Bing. And it would be a locked memory. Forever. 

How long does it take?

How long does it take for a heartache to stop?

How long does it take to forget?

How long does it take to heal and live again?

How long does it take to understand?

How long does it take to really let go?

Yo yo yo gurrrrrrrt~~~

I enjoy eating yogurt. I think it started out as a doctor's recommendation for kids on more calcium intake, and my mom just fed me yogurt. She would always get me the fruity ones: peach or strawberry flavor, and I was okay with it. But it was that summer in Shanghai, that I really really started to like yogurt, more like THAT yogurt.

Yes! This yogurt. It's pure Chinese legency. Made by one of the most dominating milk/milk-byproduct supplier GuangMing. This is definitely the real yogurt. Plain flavor, nothing artifical, just the taste of sour, almost tart, milk. Glass bottled, sealed with just a wrapper and a rubber band, freshly delivered to your door every morning.

I always eat it with a spoon. Poke open the paper wrapper, the top layer is super thick. Just like the regular yogurt you get at a local market. Back then, the spoon my grandparents had in their house wasn't very refine... they only have those large silver soup spoons, and I would use those to eat my yogurt. Of course, a soup spoon that big isn't going to fit into that bottle that well. I could try to spoon out the top thick layer as much as I could, and the spoon would be stuck at the, well apparently, the Bottle-neck. Then I would have to use the straw to drink it. Boy, I just love that flavor, that smell, that cool yogurt on a hot Shanghai summer day.

GuangMing stopped making them for a while, more like catching up with the technology, and they started to sell those plastic containers of yogurt. It's still good, the plastic containers allow longer shelf life and they get to play with adding more flavors etc. But somehow, you can still order limited number of those bottled yogurt directly from GuangMing. It's something you have to special order through phone, yet still cheap! I must get this the next time I go to Shanghai. And yea, no melamine please.

Flying back from China, which one is my favorite yogurt in the USA? mmm... I would have to say it's the Wallaby Organic yogurt in Vanilla Bean flavor. THE BEST!

I love this yogurt, especially in this flavor. I don't know if this is a true "Australian style" as they claim on the container, but it sure is as creamy as claimed. (and it seems like Wallaby is a type of Kangaroos...mmm.... learn so much just by eating a yogurt) I like its smooth texture, and the "visible" vanilla bean dots make the whole thing more high class... haha. Like how all the vanilla pastry claim to use "real" vanilla but you don't see the black dots, but this yogurt actually is real vanilla bean! Perfect blend of smooth yogurt and rich vanilla. Yum.

Oh, and I also like the Activa yogurt. I'm not indicating that I have digestive problems, but... it is still nice to have a smooth potty ride than a rough one, yea? I think the bioactives in this yogurt really helps. I especially like their Prune flavor, but it was till Paris that I found out they have MORE (a lot MORE) Activa flavors than the USA: figs (oh so good), mango, passion fruit, Ananas (pineaple in french LOL)... how sad... France even has better Yogurt...But you know what! You don't have Wallaby Vanilla Bean! cause they are Made in USA! hahaha

And the one I don't like the most. Watch, I'm pretty careful with the word "Hate". So, I don't "hate" Yoplait, but I really don't like it... So artificial, so sweet, so ... strange. Seriously? Strawberry cream pie "yogurt"? Apple turnover "yogurt"? White chocolate raspberry "yogurt"? and what's up with all the "Whip", "Thick and Creamy"... I'm trying to not think "that" way. Oh, I think one of my co-worker's wife was actually the one who came up with those names... yea, she works for Yoplait. mm.. Yoplait, yo play?

My new beans diet

Waiting for the clock to hit 12am here in Central time or 7am Paris time to skype Bing and wake him up for another day at LCB, I realized I still haven't lost those weights I've gained over the Christmas break in Paris... And got me to think about going on a diet, a new type of diet.


As many of you may know, Asian diets base on beans significantly. Tofu, made from soy, a type of beans, is almost a must for every meal. At least my meal. I'm not just talking about Tofu itself, but all the soy-byproducts that Asian families would put on the table. Tofu skin, soy puffs, re-fried tofu sac, oh and who can forget soy milk!... (there are probably not the exact translation in English, but those soy byproducts resemble those nouns... to me at least) etc etc for just the soy bean by-products, let along all the other types of beans one could find out there. Green beans, red beans, yellow beans, black eyed peas, kidney beans (my favorite), snow peas, edamame (another favorite) blah blah blah... just to name a few.

I have watched a very interesting show on Discovery channel the other night. It was about the 18 years old genius kid. He's young, he has super IQ, and he is now (or then in the TV show) a phD student for computer science etc... So, the show interviews his parents, on their thoughts of having a genius child. He dad, an Indian, replies that he has always believed he could have a genius child. He knows he has the genes, and he has figured out the way to bring out those genes through child bearing. So, basically, he knows how to MAKE a genius kid. He converted his omnivore wife into vegetarian, and strictly monitored her diet containing a large variety of BEANS. He also encouraged her to practice Yoga under the moonlight, as a way to collect all the pure and clean energy from the moon. Well, it sounded like some major BS to me, but as I put more thoughts into it, it is starting to make some senses.


Beans are definitely healthy for you. Despite the gas and thus unwanted attention drawn to your growling stomach and the toxic smell around you that won't seem to diffuse out, beans are high in protein, iron, vitamins, fibers, potassium, folate etc etc, and low in cholesterol and fat. Studies has shown that it actually helps to reduce the risk of heart attack and other heart diseases. And now, proven or not, it helps to bear a genius child. (on top of you having some "genius" recessive genes...)


So, I'm on my quest to start a new bean diet. And I am now calling for recipes! For Bing to cook and for me to taste. But the deal is Bing is still in Paris!!! Oh well, I'll be starting my quest without him. In the meantime, I'll be researching on the health benefits of beans and some yummy bean recipes. Most importantly, all things called "diet" needs to have a goal, and the goal here in this new bean diet is to::::: Have a genius kid?! oh my...